What has fueled me to start a blog? Well aside from all the NOS drinks :) I've had some dramatic changes in my life to occur in less than a year. I have said for years that I wanted to start a blog but never did. I did not feel that I could express myself with words well enough to make someone, anyone interested in what as on my mind. But like I said life changed for me on January 5, 2011.
Let me back up just a bit though. On May 7th, 2010 my life changed for the better. My husband and I welcomed our precious baby boy Kai Andrew Paul into this wild and crazy world. I quickly realized that I was no longer Summer, I was Kai's mama. I loved this squirmy bundle of bliss but at times I would be screaming on the inside. I was screaming "Lord what was you thinking, giving me this child, this responsibility!" And mind you, Kai was and is an easy going baby. But as with all things after I calmed down and listened to a voice of reason (usually my husband's) I realized I was pretty decent at this mothering thing. I mean, I had only forgot him once so far.....kidding. I wanted to start blogging once I had Kai. I wanted to let him know how much we loved him, how much our lives had changed but yet again I had excuse after excuse not to start. Well January 5, 2011 happened and I no longer had an excuse not to, all I could think was I've got to get things wrote down.
On Jan. 5 I lost my dad, Randy Campbell. Thats it, thats the only way I know how to start this paragraph. Thats how I felt; just a statement, that was there, left hanging in the air. I could not process what I was being told, what I was living. I was in someone else's nightmare and any minute I was going to wake up. That did not happen, that still has not happen. Its my nightmare and I'm having to live it. I am heartbroken. I am empty. I am done. So this is how and why I am now blogging. To help me deal with my loss, to get my feelings out or else I will explode but most importantly to let my baby Kai know what his Grand was all about, to let him know how much his Grand loved him and just how much his Grand was and is loved.
There will be posts about other aspects of our lives but for now, this is my life. As sad and as hard as it is for me, its my life. I've got to accept it, learn from it, grow and help others, maybe, hopefully. One of my favorite qoutes: "Here is the world, beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid." Thats what I got to keep telling myself, do not be afraid.
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