Gentle Nods & Smiles

Exactly 4 weeks ago I lost my dad. I awoke and did what I do every wednesday, got ready for work. Once I was up and semi-awake I kept repeating "joy will come in the morning, joy will come in the morning." One reason that this verse was so heavily in mind is b/c last night my mom and I started attending a support group. Its called Griefshare and although I've only been once I highly recommend it for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. We have  videos we watch, a workbook, and discussion. Before I attended I was cautioned by some that sometimes those sort of meetings can be downers. A group of people sitting around talking about how they feel & feeding off of each other's grief. This is nothing like that, its very structured & bibically based. The title of the entire experience is "A Journey from Mourning to Joy." Therefore the Psalm 30:5 kept playing over & over in my head. Now back to my morning. I stepped outside a little before 7am. It had rained the night before & I thought it was to rain all day as well. The very second & I mean the very second I stepped out my front door I immediately looked up to the sky. I could see the gray rain clouds still in the sky but just left to me, in the sky was a break & I could see light. Not exactly the sun but I knew from that small glimmer of light the sun was going to shine today. The clouds were continously moving, their presence still very much there but nevertheless slowly moving out of the way & allowing me to see some shine. Before I could even make it to my car I was praising God for that gentle comfort. That small nod & smile from Him to me. He simply said to me "I care, your joy will come, I promise." Now I realize that rain clouds moving out are a very common occurance but I also firmly believe that God uses ordinary every day occurances to get our attention. We just have to be ready & willing to see them. So pay attention, folks! The clouds have to eventually make way for the sun to be seen. For the sun is ALWAYS there, sometimes the clouds cover it but it is always there. Just like our Jesus the Son is ALWAYS there but sometimes our clouds of life, of grief cover Him.  Does this mean my joy has been restored? Absolutely not. I have already cried today just thinking of my dad not being here but  without a shadow of a doubt believe my joy and my mom's joy will return. He told me it would! "The Lord will do great things for me & I will be filled w/joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap w/ songs of joy. If I go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, I will return w/ songs of joy, carry sheaves w/ me." Psalm 126: 3,5-6. Take my tears Lord & sow the seeds of Your Glory. Even in the midst of my pain I pray I will continue to believe in Your promises b/c I know You will restore my joy. Let my suffering not be in vain. Amen.